If you know me at all, you know that I enjoy a TV show called Stargate: Atlantis. Below is a parody I wrote which I first posted in a comment on Joe Mallozzi's blog, and then later on David Hewlett's forum. In writing it I knew I wanted to accomplish 3 things: I wanted to mention each of the main characters as well as beloved supporting characters, I wanted the writers and producers to be the Elves, and I wanted it to be somewhat humorous. I know I accomplished the first two, and I hope I accomplished the third. I hope you enjoy it.
The Night Before Christmas in Atlantis
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the city
The twinkling lights shone, a serene scene so pretty.
The shield was raised over the stargate with care
In hopes that no enemy would infiltrate there.
Rodney & Zelenka were nestled all snug in their labs
While Lorne painted nightscapes in dibbles and dabs
And Sheppard with his Tolstoy and Teyla with her sticks
Had just finished a debate on the merits of classics.
When up in the sky did explode a great light
And a trembling of earth gave Chuck the Technician a fright
Away to the control room I transported fast
Wondering to what we should owe that bright blast.
The great light as it glowed on the city below
Surrounded the spire, a warm, soft halo.
When, much to my shock and surprise I did see
A man dressed all in red, a white beard to his knees.
With a sleek puddlejumper decked festive for flight
I knew at that moment he must be all right.
From the back of the jumper, his Elves hopped right out.
And this jolly old Santa took breath for to shout,
"Now Joseph! now Alan! now Martin & Paul!
On Robert, Carl, Brad, on the rest of you all.
Down the length of the pier, to the top of the spire,
Climb you strong, good Elves, climb faster and higher!"
As quick as a wraith dart, nary missing a step
For to dodge Ronon's glare, up the stairs those Elves leapt.
Onward up to the spire-top the helpers did climb
As Santa smirked and flew skyward, taking his time.
And then in a blinknod I heard near the gate
Voices discussing the meal which for lunch they just ate.
As I turned from the window and peeked down below
I spied those old Elves waving at me 'hello!'
Quickly they scattered as Santa's jumper came in to land.
And Colonel Carter stepped forward, extending her hand.
Santa shook it with mirth, a large bag at his feet.
He spoke not a word, but he paused for a beat.
Then with some silent signal, the Elves came to his side
And helped Santa pull his large bag open wide.
A jolly scene to behold, all of Atlantis was there.
Dr. Keller got a Josh Groban CD, Katie Brown a plant rare.
One by one they came forward, fear and hesitation melting away
For Santa had found them, even a galaxy away.
And they counted themselves lucky to be gathered together
Remembering all that in the past year they were forced to weather.
The line was winding down, the bag growing flat.
I turned back to the window, then on my shoulder felt a pat.
I spun around quickly to meet Santa's stare.
He handed me the bag and then suddenly wasn't there.
In that one short moment he was back in his jumper
The entire ship glowing from bumper to bumper.
The Elves waved goodbye and quickly scampered away
The hour was so late, it was now Christmas Day.
I felt in the bag, Santa's gift for me
It was perfect, exactly as he knew it would be
And I heard his voice shout out, "Stay together; stay alive!"
And I yelled back up towards him, "Thanks for Season Five!"